How the nanny profession chose me

How the nanny profession chose me…by Myrna

I am honored to stand before my peers as an example of a professional nanny. In 1990, I would not have imagined for myself that this day would come that I would be chosen to speak to you about my personal story of success in our chosen profession. Indeed, the emphasis on choices is poignant in how I arrived to this point.

I am the youngest of two children born to Haitian immigrant parents devoted to giving their children a better chance to surpass the disappointments of lacking opportunities in their homeland. So my mother left behind her nursing career and my father, principle of a private school in Port au Prince to start a new life. Little did I know at my conception that I would mirror many of their persecutions that they so hoped to avoid for us through my choice of pursing a nanny career. You see, around the time they came to New York in the 1960’s was at the height of turbulent times in the US particularly for minorities. They overcame language barriers, learning new cultural norms, and discrimination to attempt to have a better chance. Despite this, they taught us pride in our heritage, self confidence, respect for all people, and the driven focus it takes to achieve your dreams. My father was a success as a telecommunications engineer and my mother as an RN and most importantly her career as mother. I didn’t make things easy for her as my selfish need for her caused her to postpone her own personal ambitions and raise us full time. Every time I saw her nurse’s uniform, stockings, and shoes I would dissolve into tears because I knew she would be leaving. Who would make my oatmeal just the way I liked, or braid my hair with pretty ribbons to match my dress…. I will always be grateful to her for this sacrifice because her patient nurturing has directly influenced how I care for my charges. I choose to empathize with my charges when they cry out for their mom and try to find a positive way to smooth over the transition because I understand the depth of this bond. Little did I know that as soon as I could recognize the difference between myself and a younger child that I would naturally focus my attention on them in a mothering way. My mom always said that she always knew I would work with children one day, deep down I knew it too.

I assumed that I would become a pediatrician one day. If you understood Caribbean parents, they instilled in us very early on that a white collar profession is the ultimate symbol of success. I subconsciously carried this training with me as I achieved great success academically through my school years. Naturally, I rebelled against my parents conservative ways in my teens as I tried to formulate my own opinions and thoughts about the world and my place in it. I remember a volatile conversation with my father at one point when one of those ah ha moments struck my core. I wanted a fancy pink & green polo shirt to match my asymmetrical hair do and gold hoop earrings. He emphatically told me he would not give me the money for one and that when I earned my own money that I could have whatever I wanted. So my reply was, “so when I have my own money I can do whatever I want”. I think that I still live by those words today. I started babysitting at the age of 13. First in the summer, then I became a walking weekend rolodex for the neighborhood by high school. However, it wasn’t until my freshman year in college that the tables were turned around with exactly how I would work with children. I heard for the first time in Chapel Hill , NC the word “nanny”. It came from a classmate who told me about how she was working for a university professor and his wife as their nanny. She earned a weekly stipend along with room and board. So, I put an ad up through the campus job postings and my first nanny job came along soon after. My first position was with a newly divorced mother of two with sole custody who needed a nanny for her children when she traveled as a flight attendant. I would work for the 48 hour shift, 2 & a half days a week, have a car to use, and room and board plus $90 a week net after taxes! Man, this was sweet! I couldn’t believe my fortune. I stayed with this family through 4 changes in my major and graduation 4 years later! I never anticipated as their novice nanny, the need to understand the complexities of divorce and working with a single mom. It was a rewarding experience and impacted my final selection to major and graduate with a degree in psychology. This spring, I have the honor of being a part of my first charges college graduation in the field of aeronautical engineering.

I quickly grew tired of becoming a live-in nanny and longed to live on my own. With the help of my best friend as my roommate and mentor, I left behind the glory days of my cushy life and sought another nanny position. I was fortunate to find a neighbor in Chapel Hill who needed a nanny after the birth of her daughter. I took the position full time at $5 an hour, full medical coverage, a car, and annual bonuses for performance reviews. In NC, this was sufficient for me to live on my own. I learned a great deal about infant care during this time and the catalyst that changed the direction of my nanny career occurred during this position. I was earning 50cent incremental raises every 6 months but during my tenure with this position I was still struggling to make ends meet and wanted to step up my work performance to earn more. So, I sought another certificate in child development in evening classes and began to look at curriculum models to use with preschoolers. It was at this time that I assumed that my path was taking me towards opening up my own daycare center but with the centers that I visited I felt something vital was missing. The wonderful connection of working with a child one on one. So, I developed curriculum to use in home with my toddler charge. I created a weekly schedule that I followed around a theme. It was so much fun and reduced the monotony that I felt when I was working in a reactive mode around her feeding and sleep schedule. Despite familial pressures that I was working as a “domestic” which was against everything they had worked hard to avoid for me I loved what I was doing and felt at last that I had a career developing here. I chose to find a way to make nannying work for me beyond just getting by. So, in my 2^nd year with the family, I requested a meeting to augment my salary and was told by my employer, “Myrna, you’re earning $6.50 an hour here, you’re not going find anyone else who will pay you as much as we are”. I felt like I was back in the living room with my pops, and the words came back to me, money provides options. I submitted my resignation without forseeing the devasting pain of loss that I would experience as a part of a nanny’s career vowing to never allow myself to get so emotionally attached to my charges again. My best gift to her was exposing her to the hobby she treasures to this day, trains.

I found my 3^rd family at double the salary for two adopted children with full benefits. This position was perhaps my most unique job as I was hired by the mother’s power of attorney while the mother was away for several months. I learned over the course of this position the Montessori philosophy that I embrace to this day, managing household employees when the principle was away, and the delicate balance of parent consulting. I was a part of nurturing this family back to stable ground and have a beautiful god daughter that I never expected to have.

As a result of my honing in on professional household service skills through nanny manager training along with an internship at a local Montessori preschool, I felt that I was ready for another challenge. I relocated to the DC area, driven to bring to life my namesake’s acronym, (MYRNA) Multicultural Youth Respect oNe Another. I had almost ten years experience as a nanny by this time and was fortunate to be a part of a professional nanny organization that supported my career endeavors. I learned the power of professional integrity, professional approach, and the beauty of crafting this career over time despite public perception that this is a short lived career. I assumed by this time that success as a nanny meant making the biggest salaries that the field allows and I pursued it ambitiously. I interviewed with celebrities, wealthy business moguls, and some of our countries well known successful self starters. During a working trial period for a family in the DC area, I was surprised to feel discontent in nurturing a child who was served her sippy cup on a silver platter, the request to avoid baking in the kitchen, so not to disturb the chef’s schedule, and the need to be on call at a moment’s notice and ready to travel anywhere around the world with little schedule advance. Again, my personal growth & maturity would show me another path. Hesitant to turn down a lucrative salary, I took a lower paying position with a family with adopted Russian children and it turned out superb! For 5 years, I nurtured their sense of imagination, exposed them to social settings, stimulated their cognitive abilities through my homeschool program, School in the Woods and most importantly gave them consistent loving care during their parents tumultuous divorce. With consistent parent consulting sessions I worked as the stabilizing force between both households until remarriage changed my work arrangement. I managed to forget my golden rule as I tried to mend my broken heart in yet another position. This position is where I am today.

Imagine a job description with 5 children, 60 hours a week, two busy executive parents and a request for damage control as three of the girls are entering their teen years. I had often said in the past that my position with any family would end as soon as the children hit puberty, well I was going to start this one with teen woes from day one. I didn’t have much in common with the parents when it came to philosophy in child rearing in fact this family was the exact opposite of many things I stood for. My serene days of make believe, homemade crafts, and organic cooking was replaced with frequent television, guilt ridden materialism, harried soccer schedules and chef boy r’dee. YIKES! With years of experience I knew that the close to 6 figure salary package along with the generic all 5 children have no issues, SURE…. Should have been warning enough Well, I chose to give it my best shot. Within 6 months, I was able to bring calm stability to these children and vicariously enjoy the roller coaster experiences of teenagers and 2 preschoolers. I am proud to be their nanny and they are so full of light. They have motivated me to shed 20 pounds, run my first 10K race, and purchase a 1920’s rowhouse that I have recently restored.

Through each nanny position I have gained far more than an agreed upon financial arrangement. I have gotten 15+gifts that are priceless. They are woven in my heart, and have individually helped shape me in some permanent way. Each position was much like a journey revealing elements that I could never foresee, but have given me the sustenance to forge on even in times where I have felt self doubt in continuing as a nanny or my ability to put my heart out there once again. I am lucky to have contact with all my charges past and present, and look forward to the holidays especially when I get the annual photos! WOW. I say to myself, what a phenomenal ride, how did all this arise from a simple college ad. So I humbly say to you, I honestly did not choose to be a nanny, nannying chose me, and I am forever grateful for the opportunity.

(Myrna Alphonse is a former CO President of the National Association of Nannies and currently serves as the Education Committee Chairperson)

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